You know what, I used to absolutely rip the shit out of Tinder and anyone that used the app. I’d always been told that online dating was a last resort, something you did when you were absolutely desperate. My ex boyfriend changed those views for me.
While we actually met through a private Facebook group and not on Tinder or any other online dating site, the basics of it remain pretty much the same. We met online, our first judgements being purely made on what our profile photos looked like. Then we talked, got to know each other before finally going on that first date.
And you know what? It actually wasn’t that bad (well, it clearly wasn’t as we dated for 3 months in a long distance relationship). He was certainly a lot better than any kind of guy I was going to meet locally, and we shared similar interests and life stories. It meant we had something to talk about, which like again, I know for a fact I’d never be able to do with any bloke living in my general area.
So when that relationship came to an end, and my friend jokingly told me to “block him and download Tinder”, I actually considered it. While the last relationship ended quite badly, the way we came together wasn’t actually as bad as I had believed it to be. Of course, I had heard of all the “fuck boys” that troll around there just looking to shag around – something I personally don’t see the harm in as long as you’re making that clear to the other person and they’re cool with it too, or if they’re not cool without you don’t get shitty with them – but that easily happens when meeting people in real life too. Actually the whole thing was more in my favour because I could get to see what they were really like before going on a date with them.
So I took the plunge. I downloaded the app and began swiping. And it’s really been an eye opener. So here are some of the things I’ve learnt since joining Tinder.
- There are boys out there looking for committed relationships. Yep, you heard me. Not all boys on Tinder are just out for a quick fuck, some are out there looking for committed relationships. Some of these boys I have swiped right on, others I haven’t. But if any of you are looking for the same thing, be reassured they are out there. It may take a lot of swiping, but they are out there.
- Equally there are boys out there that were just curious by Tinder and want to see where things go. Honestly these guys are my favourite because I’m in the same boat. I’m not looking for a quickie, but equally I’m not necessarily looking for a committed relationship, though if things ever went that way and I was comfortable with it, it would be nice. It’s great to just match with some people, start talking, get to know each other, possibly go on a date and see where things go without the need to take things one way (a quick shag) or another (a full blown relationship). There’s no pressure, and it makes the whole Tinder thing a lot more easier for me to deal with.
- Just like boys, there are girls out there just looking for sex. Okay so I actually learnt this off of a male friend of mine who also downloaded Tinder, but I just wanted to add this so everyone can shake this stupid idea that it’s only boys that go on Tinder to look for sex. Girls can do it too, and they do it too. And there is absolutely nothing wrong it it, neither is there nothing wrong with boys doing it to be honest. As long as you make it clear that’s all you’re after to whoever you match/talk with, then you do you!
- You can not AND should not rely on the boys to message you first. At the beginning, I always relied on my matches messaging my first for a couple of reasons. One was because I thought if they messaged me, that meant they were generally interested me and weren’t just swiping blindly, and 80% weren’t just looking for sex. My other reason was I was just way too shy to make the first move. But the matter of the fact is, some boys out there are going to be just as shy as you are, which means you will have to stick your neck out and message first. It is daunting, the first time I was so scared I was going to make a fool of myself, but it actually turned out okay. So take the leap and message that guy you were jumping for joy that you matched with.
- Same with instigating dates. Don’t rely on them to do it. Literally all the stuff I wrote on the last point apply to this one. If you’re really hitting it off with someone and want to go for a date then just ask them!
- Ghosting is the worst. But you learn not to take it to heart. I’ve been ghosted by people, and admittedly I’ve ghosted people myself. I know it’s not the best thing to do to people, and equally it’s not the best thing to happen to you either. But I’ve learnt not to become too saddened by it. Think about it, when you first match you’ve literally just judged them on what they look like, and a small bio they’ve written about themselves. You don’t really know them yet, not properly. Once you start to talk to them, you get to know more about the person they are, and if they’re not for you, they’re not for you. And that’s fine. People may disagree with me, but I’d rather someone just stopped communication if they didn’t like the kind of person I was then tell me. So in that way I’m okay with ghosting. If you match with someone and ghost them without so much as talking, though, then you are a jerk.
- Joining Tinder really isn’t the best idea if you’re still getting over an ex. Man was this a lesson and a half for me. While Tinder has been fun, I probably signed up a bit to soon after my break up with my ex. I wasn’t properly over him, wasn’t ready to move on, even if it was just a completely non-serious date. And honestly, I probably pissed off one really nice guy because of it, if not more. Moral of the story; don’t join Tinder until you’re absolutely sure you are ready to move on. Nothing good is going to come of it if you join any earlier. You’ll only hurt other people, and then yourself later when you realise that you lost an opportunity with a really nice guy.
- It can be a great confidence boost. If I had a pound for every time a boy complimented me on my eyes on Tinder… well I wouldn’t have a lot of money because I don’t have a huge amount of matches, but I’d still have enough to buy my like a weeks worth of Starbucks or something. Honestly my eyes have always seemed to be my best feature, but when I wore a purple wig, they seemed to take a back seat. Now I’ve got my own hair back, though with blonde highlights and purple low-lights, my eyes seem to be bringing the attention in again. While you shouldn’t just be on Tinder for the ego-boost, it is nice to be complimented.
- Equally sometimes it can damage your ego. It’s going to happen at least once; there’s someone that you think is a total cutie patootie, so you swipe right. And then nothing happens. You never match. They’re just not that into you. It is a really sucky feeling, but just lick your wounds and get back on the wagon. It’s definitely their loss, anyway.
- You’re going to have to stop swiping right just because they have a doggo. Yes the doggo is cute, but they’re not really your type, and they look kind of like a fuck boy. Unfortunately if you date him you can’t just tell him to leave and spend time with his dog, so let this one go.
- The guys who put cheesy, quirky chat up lines or random questions are the keepers. There isn’t anything wrong with simply putting “hey” or anything like that, but from my experience the ones who start the conversation with something a little bit different are the ones that I really get along with. I’ve had the “how much does a polar bear weigh?” joke, although he got it wrong and out penguin instead which just made it even more hilarious and was a long running joke for a while. I’ve had blokes go straight in with questions like “do you like rock music? You look like the type.” And then I’ve just had boys ask random questions with no real meaning behind them like “what’s your favourite type of sandwich?”. Oddly enough I still talk to the guy who asked me the last one to this day. Give me all the weird chat up lines and questions and we’re bound to get along!
Is there anything you’ve learnt after joining Tinder that’s not on here? Let me know!